bacon or kale?
Over the past several years, I’ve been re-telling the same story to anyone who seemed like they might understand. Want to hear it?
Once upon a time, I worked in a city and I was within reach of all the gorgeous, organic, fresh food places I could wish for. I could chow down on vegan and gluten free black bean tacos and the most delicious raw food restaurants and tasty and most of all guilt free desserts. My favorite was the kale salad from Organic Avenue. So good! Plus, I could drink all the green juice I could swallow. I was living my best life, I was energized, I was working out, I was thin and felt lovely.
But then, the story takes a sad turn. I moved away from this haven of healthy options. I had to settle for other food places, I had to make my own green juice. With other changes happening in my life, home prep wasn’t an easy option, especially compared to before. I stopped consuming the good stuff, I ate more of the bad stuff, I saw my body change and my energy drop. I wasn’t interested in the kale, I wanted the bacon.
And here we reach the part that matters: I told myself “if only I had access to those healthy options, like before then I’d eat better, be thin and feel great again”.
I told myself this a thousand times. My body and my mind, every cell inside me, heard these words as gospel. I thought I needed kale, but all I was craving was bacon. Metaphorically, but also literally! Bacon is not something that I grew up eating. There are many reasons that I thought it and many other ‘bad’ foods were bad news. The main problem was that I’d been taught that there was no way on Earth I could eat bacon and look good… Right?
Much of my attachment to salads and veganism was based on the fact that when I ate within those boundaries, I was thin and I looked good. Since looking a certain way was the goal I’d set (similar to many other women) and I was nailing it, naturally I ascribed my success to what I was eating. In my case, this meant chomping through piles of kale and flat out denying myself bacon, and several other things. I believed eating this way delivered results. I didn’t realize at the time that when we decide something is true, we make it true… whether it actually is or not.
To avoid this auto-pilot process, I ask myself questions…
What do I really want?
Do I want this because it’s healthy?
Because someone told me it’s healthy?
Because I think it will make me healthy?
Does my body crave it?
If I consume something because some external influence or influencer tells me I need it, I’m masking my own body’s wisdom. I’ll never feed my body what it actually needs.
Your cravings are giving you information. Your body is working for you. Not against you as we typically think. I know it’s a little hard to believe when we’re craving a black-and-white milkshake with whipped cream… but it’s true!
If we can remove the judgment of ourselves to allow for the enjoyment of the craving, we can look deeper into what our body is asking. For example, when I haven’t rested enough, I’m hungrier and crave extra carbohydrates to fuel me. When I’ve begun the day with protein, I feel fuller for the rest of the day.
Now, these things are true for me. This doesn’t make them true for you.
Something I’ve discovered over the years is how different we all really are. There was a point in time where there was no way I’d believe that kale was anything but good for everyone: of course it’s good for everyone! It’s so healthy! Nope.
I was under the assumption that kale was single-handedly responsible for making me thin since I ate it every day. Thing is, I had made that true by believing it. I had told my psyche that kale was manna from heaven and the answer to my prayers. Sure, kale might be great for me in particular, but it wasn’t responsible for my full state of health.
Now I know this, the girl who used to work in the city can tell a different tale. She is more in tune with who she is, how her body works and listens to her inner voice when it comes to food. This road is far from over, but the spring is definitely back in my step.
Thanks for listening to my story. If you’re able to, experiment with asking yourself questions. Consider what you feel at every meal. Check-in to find out what you REALLY want. This will give you information to look deeper… And also maybe enjoy some bacon guilt-free!
why obedience should be your biggest fear
When you have been part of a system that works a certain way, many times, even in dysfunction, you feel normal. Because you are used to it. And humans can get used to almost anything. We are very adaptable creatures. But that doesn’t mean we should.
When I tried to express my concerns to family members about the psychological ramifications of locking people in their homes, keeping them from the sun, their family, their friends and basically anything that wasn’t Netflix, I was told it was all temporary and that I was exaggerating. Some people thought the “deadly” virus was more important than people’s mental health. More important than people’s livelihoods – “it’s just money” I was told. But it is not.
All of the details that it takes to live a fulfilling and healthy life are almost all equally important. In every moment. And they should never be put on hold. They start with your mindset that allows someone to tell you to stay home, away from your friends and loved ones, stop working, etc. Someone who thinks this is okay, is someone who is inherently traumatized; it is only this that can explain someone agreeing to traumatize themselves and/or their children because they are afraid of dying. People die every day. They always have.
And the biggest lie of all – that someone else is responsible for YOU – your health, your happiness, your freedom but most importantly, your bodily sovereignty. When you teach this compliance to children and you express that “they don’t mind”, you don’t really know that. You have not thought this through. Would you prefer your child were to stand up for themselves when someone is telling them they cannot breathe freely? Or would you prefer that they do what they are told at all costs? Parenting is certainly a conundrum because many times we would like for our children to be obedient but really when you teach obedience, you get subservience. You get it now and you get it later. I would prefer my child to have choice, not limitations.
Originally when I expressed my desire to my husband that our child be homeschooled, he was not sure about the idea. He said I was exaggerating when I gave the small reason – that I didn’t want my child to ask permission to go to the bathroom. This is no one’s right to give him permission. It is a bodily function and he should go as he chooses. But this was just a small example. Schools are set up in such a way to produce children that are obedient and follow the rules. Even to their own detriment.
In my eyes, the most important thing for happy and healthy children is their emotional health. That they are listened to, cherished and not chastised for having needs. When children cry, we immediately want them to stop, but this is also how we create emotionally unwell adults – they are not allowed to feel their feelings as children. I wonder when schools began teaching victimhood? Was it when I was in school?
Life has taught me that I am the only person that can change my life. I am the only person in charge of my health. THIS IS FACT. When you teach children that they need to sacrifice their breath to take care of the adults, you are abusing them. It’s not nice to hear, I know. But it is the truth.
Small humans need to be taught that they have power. They need to be given agency. They need to be told that they can change their circumstances. This can only be taught by people who believe this. But when you are unaware of your own trauma; when you have given away your power to authorities that have invaded your body under the guise of the greater good, you cannot model the correct behavior to children. Children do not do as they are told. They do what we, their parents do.
The number one priority in my life is that my child, my husband and myself are all healthy and happy. That means emotionally healthy, physically healthy and spiritually healthy as they are all intertwined. We are not machines. One plus one doesn’t equal two when it comes to humans and you cannot science someone’s woes away. You have to actually listen to what is occurring in their life. What they NEED. Because ‘Mental Illness ‘ does not exist if your needs are met. We have been taught that this is chemical, hereditary, fixable with a pill or injection. But this does not really fix anything. Until you deal with the underlying needs that are not being met, nothing will change. And that is why there is such a stronghold on our “Health Care”, which is really sick care. People have been frightened, threatened, coerced, manipulated and traumatized into complying with medical procedures so that they can just continue going on. But at what cost? Isn’t your child’s health more important than anything? More important than feeling like part of the group? More important than your fear? More important than teachers? Who probably shouldn’t be teachers if they are threatened by children?
I urge you to consider the impact you are having. I urge you to consider getting help for your FEAR. Stop pushing it on everyone else. That is how we got here. It is your responsibility to deal with yourself. It is your responsibility to get to the root of your trauma and heal. It is no one else’s anymore than anyone could exercise for you to lose weight.
If I told you that someone in my life had the power over me to decide when I could breathe freely, when I could go to public places, when I could see my parents, or CHILDREN. You would tell me this person is abusing me and that I should remove them from my life.
I used to think that since I didn’t enjoy my childhood that I had missed out. And maybe in some ways I did. But growing up with a tyrant father who manipulated, coerced, was violent, shamed me and made me live in fear became useful to me when I saw everyone else falling for it. Because I know what it looks like, sounds like, feels like and is like. I pray for the children of this generation. I pray that you see how important their emotional health is. I pray that you decide they should not have to deal with all of the things that you think they have become desensitized to. Because in order for them to know that they are important and that they are free, they need you to decide that first.